FEAR is an ugly four letter word that we inflict upon
ourselves. It is something that has plagued mankind since the Fall of Adam and
Eve. For some, fear is a constant companion, while for others, a mere
acquaintance. Fear can be the paralyzer of life, an experience-crusher, and the
thief of dreams. Fear has a way of creating obstacles that stand in the way of our progression. However, as we learn to dance with our fears and face them head on, we can become stronger, wiser, more confident, and
better prepared for life’s challenges. The following experiences illustrate what I learned from dancing with FEAR.
THE PARALYZER OF LIFE:
High in the mountains on cool, crisp autumn day, I
unknowingly waltzed with FEAR. My husband, our three older children, and I
spent the day under the cotton candy clouds cutting and loading firewood onto the trailer. It
was late in the afternoon; we were nearly done, when the chainsaw became sandwiched in a tree. We sent the kids to stand by the truck while Adam walked me (his
mechanically-challenged wife) through the plan: I was to hold the chainsaw like so, pull it out when I felt the give
in the tree, and then run swiftly to the right and out of the way.
My heart began to race as the adrenaline coursed through my
veins. I took a deep breath, and carefully placed my hands on the chainsaw. He
began to push the tree back and forth when suddenly I felt that give. I pulled
the chainsaw out in one smooth motion, suddenly aware of the unfamiliar feel and
weight of the chainsaw in my hands. Then I began to run with the speed of a
gazelle in flight. My knees high, bounding over the dry leaves and fallen
branches. My celebratory thoughts were interrupted with Adam - yelling at
me. I was perplexed. Why was he yelling at me? Couldn’t he see how swift I was
running with the chainsaw in perfect position? Confused and frustrated, the
profanity spewed from me lips as I yelled, “Why are you yelling at me?” He
yelled louder, more earnestly, with a look of helplessness on his face, “Move
now!” Huh? I darted to the right and watched the tree crash down.
While driving home, Adam related to me what had occurred
(from his perspective). I had followed steps one and two beautifully, but
apparently failed miserably at step three: run swiftly out of the way. You see,
fear wrapped it’s tentacles around my feet (and probably my mind) leaving me
paralyzed, running in place, chainsaw in hand while Adam gazed helplessly at me. Fortunately, his loud voice was able to pierce through the veil of fear
that was holding me captive. I narrowly missed being crushed by the tree. In
that moment, I realized the paralyzing effects of fear and vowed to give more
heed to directions and try to remain calm in stressful situations where I feel inadequate.
THE EXPERIENCE-CRUSHER:
Shrouded in a wet, wool blanket of FEAR, my adventure down
the mountain was terrifying! The sheer drop-off of the mountain within a 1/8
mile definitely didn’t help. I crashed several times over, struggled to get my
skis back on and ended up slalom skiing a time or two down the mountain, and
then there were TREES in the middle of the course! What the? Why would they do that? I was able to recall with perfect
clarity the many stories I’ve read of people dying because they skied into a
tree - which increased my ANXIETY even more! After several more falls, I had
had enough. I took off my skis and WALKED down the rest of the mountain. Once I
was safe on flat ground, the dam broke and the tears cascaded down my cheeks. I
couldn’t believe how real the FEAR was and the control I had given it.
Following another round of tears, lunch, and comforting
words from family, I decided to give it a go one more time. I couldn't leave knowing
that I had quit and walked down the mountain. I charged the bunny hill and
showed it a thing or two (and may have lost a pole and fallen over on the
conveyor belt that pulls you up the little hill), but I gradually worked up the
courage to try a green run again. The ride on the ski lift was less scary
with a lap belt and I even managed to exit somewhat gracefully. My run down the mountain was
marked with many falls (the ski patrol checking on me), some more slalom
skiing, and a little walking, but I finished the run upright and on both skis. Nelson
Mandela once said, “I learned that courage was not the absence of fear, but the
triumph over it. The brave man is not he who does not feel afraid, but he who
conquers that fear.” I wouldn’t say I conquered FEAR, but I didn’t quit (even
though I really, really wanted to), so therefore, I am brave. I gained greater personal insight that day and learned the value of laughter.
THE THIEF OF DREAMS:
 |
| “There is only one thing that makes a dream impossible to achieve: the fear of failure.” -Paulo Coelho |
Following an explosive creative session with my brother on a
beautiful spring day, I began to tango with FEAR. Having talked about writing a
book together for years, we were finally together brainstorming and doing something about it
. . . it was both exciting and frightening. I began to realize that it is far
easier to talk about something than to actually do it. Upon returning home,
self-doubt and fear of failure swept in. Am I up for such a task? Do I even have the
time? Am I a good enough writer? Where do I begin? What am I thinking – writing
a book? Who would read it? What if I fail? If I fail, if reflects not only on
me but also upon my brother . . . And so, my thoughts gave way to FEAR which gave way to excuses, inaction, and guilt. My notes have been collecting nothing
but dust for the past month.
Yann Martel author of Life
of Pi, said, “[Fear] goes for your weakest spot, which it finds with
unnerving ease. It begins in your mind, always ... so you must fight hard to
express it. You must fight hard to shine the light of words upon it. Because if
you don't, if your fear becomes a wordless darkness that you avoid, perhaps
even manage to forget, you open yourself to further attacks of fear because you
never truly fought the opponent who defeated you.”
I was talking with a dear friend the other day about my fears with the book. It was the first time I had voiced my concerns. She listened intently, offered insight, reassured me of my abilities, and then simply told me to start writing. Giving
voice to my fears was quite liberating and empowering as I was no longer bound to FEAR like a slave,
but free to pursue my dreams. Writing this piece has given me the clarity and the courage to pursue my dream. Therefore, I will follow the wise
advice of my friend and start writing. I don’t have to have all the answers to
my questions to begin. I just need to commence and cast the FEAR aside.
Is FEAR holding you back – paralyzing your life, crushing
your experiences, or stealing your dreams? If so, then it is time to choose
your definition of F-E-A-R:
Forget Everything And Run
or Face
Everything And Rise.
The choice is yours.
It is my hope that we will rise and face our FEARS. In doing so, I know that we will become stronger, wiser, more confident, and better prepared for life’s challenges. ~Love me~Kristen
No comments:
Post a Comment