Sometimes we impede our own progression. We build walls
defining what we can and cannot do. These barriers can be a shield and
protection to us, but they can also limit our view of the horizon and the vast
world before us. I lived a content and relatively happy life within my Wall of can’t for 32 years. That is, until
the stability of my wall was called into question by a master builder.
Suddenly, my stones of can’t were
being crushed to dust as the sledge hammer of “can” came bearing down. This is
my story of breaking down my Wall of Can’t
with CrossFit . . .
Finally free from the darkness that held me captive; (see
previous post “Breaking Through the Darkness”) I was ready to take control of
my physical self. I longed for my physical and spiritual selves to work
together in harmony, rather than battle as bitter enemies. My physical self
(the natural woman) wanted to be able to eat and do as I pleased. I
rationalized that given I was a good cook; I should be able to enjoy the fruits
of my talent. With this governing force prevailing over the want for better
health, I told my mother-in-law that perhaps I should just learn to accept my
body for what it was. She looked at me and lovingly said, “The only thing happy
is your taste buds. You’re not happy. You can do better.”
Her honesty was just the kick in the butt I needed. I knew
that she was right – I was not happy. I just couldn’t seem to muster the
motivation, self-discipline, and due diligence to turn back and begin again on
the path of health and fitness. That is, until I saw a candid snapshot of
myself. I was appalled with the image before me. I hadn’t realized that I had gotten
so big. With the image in hand, I recalled with perfect clarity how winded I
was while dancing with my husband just a few months earlier. (Which was very
sad for me, as dancing is one of my favorite things to do). I decided right
then and there to take control of me again. I was finally ready to CHANGE my
ways, but I needed help.
I sought the advice of family members who had found great
success with CrossFit, specifically my sister-in-law who had coached me before.
Loraine assured me that CrossFit would help get me back on track. However, I
was quite leery. I had read the articles of nay-sayers about the injuries
associated with CrossFit and the “cult-like” following. But, I chose to cast
aside my uncertainties and give it a try, as the first three classes were free.
On Monday, July 20th, 2015 I showed up to my
first CrossFit class. I was miles outside of my comfort zone, having not been
to a gym since college. The terminology and moves were unfamiliar and I’m
certain I had the “deer in the headlights look” the entire time. But I was not
left alone to figure things out. I had a coach right beside me explaining
things to me, showing me how to do each move, scaling things down to my very limited abilities, and encouraging me to
push harder.
I texted the following to my family after my first workout:
“I did it!! I survived
my first CrossFit class without puking, although I do feel like a limp noodle.
A healthier, more fit Kristen is coming your way.”
And so, my love affair with CrossFit began. With each class,
stones of various size and shape were removed from my Wall of Can’t. I can still recall the removal of that first stone –
the stone of “I can’t jump.” My coach, Chans, told me to jump up to reach the
bar overhead. I laughed at him and said matter-of-factly, “I have the vertical
of an elephant. I can’t jump.” He didn’t buy it. He assured me that I could and
nudged me again with the patience of a tenured kindergarten teacher. And you
know what? I jumped up and held onto the bar. It was a moment of awe and
awakening as I realized I am capable of more than I ever imagined.
However, having been one to sabotage my health and fitness
success over the years – I tried to convince myself that I should quit. I
recall calling my mom on the way to CrossFit to inform her of my decision. My
mom gave me the scolding of lifetime telling me, “You are not going to quit! I
will not allow you to sabotage yourself again. CrossFit is the best thing for
you. It’s one of the few things that you actually do for yourself (I’m a
stay-at-home mom with 5 kids). You have been happier and more confident this
past month. You are going to stick it out!” I will forever be grateful for my
mom’s scolding and sound advice. I stayed the course of CrossFit with greater
resolve to improve and become stronger.
In the following months, more and more stones of can’t were removed as I overcame long-held irrational
fears such as: A.) Face-planting while jumping up on a box. Chans enlightened
me to start with a short box, look up and my feet would follow. He was right. I
was amazed that my heavy legs could do such and even more amazed as I moved to
doing box jumps on a higher box. B.) Doing any sort of movement where my head
went down first. For one, I lacked upper body strength and two; I had a bad
experience with diving as a kid. Chans took it slow with me, helping me build
my upper body strength before ever pushing me into trying a handstand pushup on
a box. I was ecstatic when I was able to complete an entire workout that
included handstand pushups on a box. It was an incredible moment as the
impossible became possible.
CrossFit has taught me that I can do hard things. I have
never pushed myself as hard as I do at CrossFit. The workouts are intense and
require an incredible amount of mental toughness and endurance. Left to myself,
I would quit long before the end of the set workout (as I did in the past when
faced with such fatigue and sweat). However, knowing that others are doing the
same workout and that I have a coach and community cheering me on – helps me to
dig deeper and work harder when I want to throw in the towel. I purposely place
myself by someone faster and stronger than me to motivate and encourage me. This
tactic has served me well as evidenced in the following example: We were dead
lifting for a one rep max. My previous personal best was 105#. However, on that
particular day I noticed a girl of similar strength dead lifting 165#. I thought
to myself, “If she can do it, I can do it.” With the encouragement of my coach
and fellow CrossFitters, I successfully dead lifted 165#! I was amazed at the
strength within me – another stone of
can’t removed. I couldn’t help but squeal with delight and celebrate with
dance. I can do hard things! I am getting stronger, both physically and
mentally.
I began to notice that on the days I worked out, I was a
much better wife and mom – more patient, more energized, and happier. The
release of endorphins, following an intense workout, is an amazing natural high
– much like the “runner’s high. I believe that is why CrossFit is so addicting.
That, and for me, it’s one hour that I get to be just me – Kristen. I set aside
my various titles and roles while I reflect inward, dig deep, and unleash my
frustrations through exercise. CrossFit has become my outlet for stress. Before
CrossFit, my shoulders were always tight and sore – as that is where I carry my
stress. However, since beginning CrossFit, the pain and tightness is gone as
I’ve strengthened those muscles and found a healthier release for my stress
rather than chocolate. CrossFit is helping me become a better version of me.
What I love most about CrossFit is that whether you are new
or advanced, each workout is going to be difficult and challenging. That’s
because our coaches scale the workouts to each person’s level. There is a
constant drive for self-improvement as our coaches encourage us to set monthly
goals. It’s an incredible concept when you think about it. I’ve taken part in
various exercise classes, where you look around and think, “They aren’t even
breaking a sweat and here I am dying.” At CrossFit, everyone is working hard
and usually breathless and sweaty by the end. No one is concerned with what
others are doing around them, as they’re simply trying to make it through the
workout themselves. It’s encouraging to be in an environment where everyone is
working hard to improve themselves while cheering for the success of those
around them.
CrossFit was truly an answer to my prayers as I sought to
take control of me again. Through our gym’s latest nutrition challenge, I was
given the tools to help me attain even greater success with a new eating plan
that just made sense. While following the plan, I discovered the harmony within
that I had been seeking for. (Unfortunately, I fell off the wagon during the
holidays, but I’ve regrouped and I’m hitting it again full force. For me, I’ve
learned that exercise is not enough. Healthy eating is not enough. I need both
of them together with accountability for me to be successful). Perhaps, one of
the best things CrossFit has done for me is the change in my perspective. I no
longer set goals to be a specific size or lose X amount of pounds, but rather
my goals are to be healthier, stronger, and faster – specifically to be
comfortable in my own skin, to be able to do a real CrossFit pushup (on your
toes, chest has to touch the ground, arms close to your body, elbows back), a pull-up,
and run a 9-minute mile. I have realized that I am capable of so much more than
I ever imagined.
With CrossFit, I am crushing the walls of my own
limitations, by removing the stones of
can’t. I’m sure I sound like an infomercial for CrossFit, but I can’t say
enough about the positive impact CrossFit has had upon me. My coaches (Chans and Tausha) have
played a huge role as well – removing my excuses, pushing me to dig deeper, and
opening my eyes to a vast horizon of possibility. I’m not where I want to be .
. . yet. But I can tell you this; my Wall
of Can’t is getting shorter and shorter with CrossFit and I am finding more and more peace in my life.
So friends, what walls have you built for yourself? Are you
impeding your own progression - mentally, spiritually, emotionally, or physically? It’s time to take inventory of our lives, knock
down walls, and make improvements. We can do it! God didn't send us here to fail, but to rise each time we fall and fill the measure of our creation.We only have one life to live – let’s make
it a great one!
~Love me~ Kristen
